How important is it to you what other people think of the things you like? I'll rephrase that.
Does it matter if you are the only one who likes: green popsicles and jelly beans, Four Seasons Kernels popcorn (since discontinued, but possibly staging a comeback) and Judy Garland. Yes, I like all of the above, though I find myself reluctant to share that information. Why?
Ever invent a new phrase or word that just totally embodies how you feel about something? I do it all the time. One of my more frequent expressions is, "Please don't JudyGarland it for me!" What does that mean exactly?
Being the young, impressionable (and newly in love) girl, that I was when I started dating Howie, I quickly adapted to all things important to him. I scoured garage sales in search of old records (and copies of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn), climbed stairs without looking back (because of my fear of heights)in order to get to our seats at a baseball game (getting back down was slightly more difficult, I had to be carried - I kid you not), and spent countless hours in audiophile soundrooms listening to John Coltrane, Miles Davis and Jennifer Warnes Famous Blue Raincoat. I humored him. So did he return the favor?
It was my turn now to share my favorites with him. He accepted Springsteen easily enough, balked slightly at Blue Rodeo, abhorred a black leather fringed cowboy leather jacket (that went the wayside) and then the moment came. I had been a fan of Judy Garland since The Wizard of Oz. I read all the books I could, envisioned myself as another daughter (and best friends to Liza and Lorna and Joey too!). I had seen all her television appearances and movies and owned Live at Carnegie Hall, a TWO record set, featuring my favorite, The Man Who Got Away.
I sat him down and put the record on (this was obviously in the days before iTunes, et al.) and watched his face. He didn't hold back. He scowled and winced and finally announced that she couldn't sing, period. I was mortified. I begged him to elaborate and he did. Sadly, from that moment on, the wind was let out of my sails. What he heard (and described), I heard. I stopped listening. He had ruined it for me.
Years later we differed over something else and I immediately fired back with, "You might not like it, but don't you dare JudyGarland it for me!" It's a phrase, but not a phase, that has stuck.
So now I don't always share that I like to watch Intervention, or eat ice cream straight out of the container (even though I'm lactose intolerant) or listen to E Street Radio (all Bruce, all the time), because I don't (and won't) want it to be JudyGarlanded, though I have since gone back to being a fan!
27.10.09
Oh, Grow up!
Joan Rivers used to say it, Bruce Springsteen sang about it (Growin' Up from Greetings from Asbury Park - track 2) and no matter what age we were, we always wanted to be older. I've mentioned previously that inside this middle aged, chubby woman with uncontrollable hair, lives a 16 year old skinny girl, with uncontrollable hair. For years I acted like that 16 year old as well. Insecure, sometimes flighty, a little bit of a 'mean girl' and of course, had all those 'girlfriend' issues. This one was friends with that one, and that one liked this one better, etc.
As the years went by and I got married, I found myself having less and less girlfriends and really not missing 'that scene' so much. Fast forward into my 40s and the 'need' for them returned, and much to my surprise, I realized that I had choices and didn't need to do the 'group' thingie and started forming and tightening friendships, one on one. Months could (and would) go by, and yet, the excitement of a 'catch up' lunch/dinner/coffee would prove to be fruitful, stimulating and enriching. I have such a diverse group of cool, funky, intelligent women that surround me, and that applies as well to the 2 or 3 'close' friends that I have been corresponding with online for more than 10 years, spoken to on the phone, AND HAVE NEVER MET!!!!!
Then there are the girls that really 'knew me when' and still love me (as I love them - these women are in a class of their own!). The infamous Rockford Rebels! We started with 7, though one lives far away and doesn't get to see us as much. Growing up around the corner, playing hide and seek, having sleepovers, sharing! We've danced at each other's weddings (and held hands or celebrated when the divorce took place), visited hospital beds, attended each other's children's plays and 'rock concerts', celebrated milestone birthdays, and 'scrubbed up' at cottage get-aways (an Arbonne moment!). We've shared, cried, confided, and always laughed. The other day I called one such special lady - she answered the phone almost convulsed with laughter. I started to giggle as well, and asked her, "Why are you laughing?" Her response, "I saw your name and knew you would make me laugh!".
Memory is a magical thing and a shared memory even moreso. I can't stop thinking today about the memory that was shared with me last night. I was reminded that I had similar reading tastes as this one friend, and that we would 'playfully' fight over who would take out the library book on John F. Kennedy or Florence Nightingale. What a thrill to not only relive this memory, (which I had long forgotten) but to know that it meant something special to someone else as well. For too long I thought that my love of reading and books was a solitary passion.
The book bitches (possible name change is in the works to the book babes, though personally, I like being a bitch!) came into my life also in my 40's, and the intimacy, intelligence and warmth that is shared on a monthly basis, is truly outstanding. Respective of each other's 'tastes' and 'likes and dislikes', we have managed to expand our reading horizions, improved our vocabulary (we end each meeting by describing the selected choice in ONE WORD, as well as rating it too!) and come to truly value and appreciate each and every individual.
Then there are those that knew you when that still make you feel like 'the bully', the bad guy. This is when the 'growing up' part kicks in. It's EASY to sink back into old routines and attack and tease, and be that 16 year old again. GROW UP! Last night I had the pleasure of reconnecting and seeing in a new light, an old friend. My other friend and I kept musing, "She's so 'real', so nice, so HAPPY - she's changed" and yeah, maybe she has, but maybe I have too. It's not always about US and how we feel. Everyone hurts, not everyone shares. Everyone has stuff! Grow up people. I think I aged a little bit last night, hopefully.
As the years went by and I got married, I found myself having less and less girlfriends and really not missing 'that scene' so much. Fast forward into my 40s and the 'need' for them returned, and much to my surprise, I realized that I had choices and didn't need to do the 'group' thingie and started forming and tightening friendships, one on one. Months could (and would) go by, and yet, the excitement of a 'catch up' lunch/dinner/coffee would prove to be fruitful, stimulating and enriching. I have such a diverse group of cool, funky, intelligent women that surround me, and that applies as well to the 2 or 3 'close' friends that I have been corresponding with online for more than 10 years, spoken to on the phone, AND HAVE NEVER MET!!!!!
Then there are the girls that really 'knew me when' and still love me (as I love them - these women are in a class of their own!). The infamous Rockford Rebels! We started with 7, though one lives far away and doesn't get to see us as much. Growing up around the corner, playing hide and seek, having sleepovers, sharing! We've danced at each other's weddings (and held hands or celebrated when the divorce took place), visited hospital beds, attended each other's children's plays and 'rock concerts', celebrated milestone birthdays, and 'scrubbed up' at cottage get-aways (an Arbonne moment!). We've shared, cried, confided, and always laughed. The other day I called one such special lady - she answered the phone almost convulsed with laughter. I started to giggle as well, and asked her, "Why are you laughing?" Her response, "I saw your name and knew you would make me laugh!".
Memory is a magical thing and a shared memory even moreso. I can't stop thinking today about the memory that was shared with me last night. I was reminded that I had similar reading tastes as this one friend, and that we would 'playfully' fight over who would take out the library book on John F. Kennedy or Florence Nightingale. What a thrill to not only relive this memory, (which I had long forgotten) but to know that it meant something special to someone else as well. For too long I thought that my love of reading and books was a solitary passion.
The book bitches (possible name change is in the works to the book babes, though personally, I like being a bitch!) came into my life also in my 40's, and the intimacy, intelligence and warmth that is shared on a monthly basis, is truly outstanding. Respective of each other's 'tastes' and 'likes and dislikes', we have managed to expand our reading horizions, improved our vocabulary (we end each meeting by describing the selected choice in ONE WORD, as well as rating it too!) and come to truly value and appreciate each and every individual.
Then there are those that knew you when that still make you feel like 'the bully', the bad guy. This is when the 'growing up' part kicks in. It's EASY to sink back into old routines and attack and tease, and be that 16 year old again. GROW UP! Last night I had the pleasure of reconnecting and seeing in a new light, an old friend. My other friend and I kept musing, "She's so 'real', so nice, so HAPPY - she's changed" and yeah, maybe she has, but maybe I have too. It's not always about US and how we feel. Everyone hurts, not everyone shares. Everyone has stuff! Grow up people. I think I aged a little bit last night, hopefully.
26.10.09
Gratitude
I used to dread Mondays, but now I look forward to them. Why? Because since January 7 of this year, I have been doing a daily gratitude exchange with a girlfriend I reconnected with after TOO many years of not connecting (we simply lost touch, moved away, had separate lives, etc.). We each list 5 things that we are grateful for. Every Monday, as soon as I arrive at work, I open my email and then stop to think, "Ok, what am I truly grateful for today". Stopping to think AND writing it down AND sharing it with a close friend is an incredible experience. There IS so much to be grateful for that we take for granted, and more than that, on the days when I'm just NOT feeling it, I am pushed onward by the faith and belief that my friend has in me, to come up with 'something'.
Some days are filled with 'quickies' such as:
1. morning coffee
2. good hair day
3. no traffic
4. great sleep
5. roof over my head
That's ok! They are ALL wonderful things to be grateful for.
Other days are filled with more in-depth details and on those really rough days, we've both been known to write stuff like: I'm really sorry but I can't think of anything. THOSE are the times when being on the receiving end really counts. We remind each other of what IS working or we commiserate together and then realize that we are thankful and grateful for our friendship, our correspondence, our mutual admiration, our honesty, our good hair days.....see how much easier it is when you don't go it alone?
Anyway, give it a try. Instead of dreading Mondays, look forward to them. Perspective is everything and instead of bemoaning the fact that you're stuck in traffic, be thankful that you have a job, and that you are driving in a car instead of walking, of if you are walking, that you have two healthy legs to take you there, dressed in warm clothes and shoes, with food in your belly and a roof waiting for you when you return home, hopefully to someone that loves you and values you.
I will close by sharing two of my 5 gratitude statements today:
Today I am grateful for so much:
1. my blog as a writing outlet, and all the incredible feedback and response I've received.
2. friends - the older (and hopefully wiser) I get, the more I come to appreciate the incredible people I'm surrounded by and that means YOU, bigtime!!!!
Some days are filled with 'quickies' such as:
1. morning coffee
2. good hair day
3. no traffic
4. great sleep
5. roof over my head
That's ok! They are ALL wonderful things to be grateful for.
Other days are filled with more in-depth details and on those really rough days, we've both been known to write stuff like: I'm really sorry but I can't think of anything. THOSE are the times when being on the receiving end really counts. We remind each other of what IS working or we commiserate together and then realize that we are thankful and grateful for our friendship, our correspondence, our mutual admiration, our honesty, our good hair days.....see how much easier it is when you don't go it alone?
Anyway, give it a try. Instead of dreading Mondays, look forward to them. Perspective is everything and instead of bemoaning the fact that you're stuck in traffic, be thankful that you have a job, and that you are driving in a car instead of walking, of if you are walking, that you have two healthy legs to take you there, dressed in warm clothes and shoes, with food in your belly and a roof waiting for you when you return home, hopefully to someone that loves you and values you.
I will close by sharing two of my 5 gratitude statements today:
Today I am grateful for so much:
1. my blog as a writing outlet, and all the incredible feedback and response I've received.
2. friends - the older (and hopefully wiser) I get, the more I come to appreciate the incredible people I'm surrounded by and that means YOU, bigtime!!!!
25.10.09
One Day at a Time
I'm going on a diet (again)! This morning I watched Valerie Bertinelli on CBS Sunday Morning and got inspired(again). I love Valerie. I've read her book and grew up watching her as Barbara Cooper on One Day at A Time. I really don't want to diet (or exercise) but I do want to be healthy. I was skinny as a kid, even had the nickname 'toothpick', could and did eat whatever I wanted and then suddenly I couldn't. Well, couldn't without it 'sticking'. I decided to become zafig( zaf·tig or zof·tig (zäftk, -tg)
adj.
1. Full-bosomed.
2. Having a full, shapely figure.
Now understand that my hubby never did (and never has - he's much too smart to do so) complain, though one of my first 'aha moments' came years ago when my daughters were flipping through our photo albums (if you've been to my house for dinner, you've flipped through them too - it's what we do) and came across a picture of me in a Norma Kamali bathing suit (I'd post the picture here, but I think I'll save it for the 'before and after' shots, after I lose the weight)and said, "Wow, is that you? You USED to be soooooo hot!"
You know how they say a fat person always feels fat, even when they lose the weight? Well, I always feel thin (and 16 years old!). I'm shocked when I see pictures or look in the mirror (by mistake)or try and squeeze into a pair of favorite old jeans that I 'find' in my closet that somehow "must" have shrunk. Who IS that chubby woman and why is her hair such a mess (hair issues to be addressed in another blogpost).
Anyway, it's time to make a change (maybe). Over a delicious breakfast of hashed brown potatoes, topped with bacon and 2 over easy eggs (but NO bread!), hubby and I made a plan. We'll eventually convert our extra bedroom into a 'work out room' and even hire a personal trainer to work us both into an exercising frenzy once a week or so. Ok, so that probably won't happen til the new year, I mean, it's almost November and then December we go to Florida for a few weeks, etc., but seriously, I am going to change my diet slightly. No more noshing after dinner, just tea and fat free popsicles. I'll pack a lunch for work (stocked up today on veggies and fat free turkey, etc.) and maybe start to walk around the block once or twice (or thrice) a week. Enough putting it off.
If Valerie can do it, so can I. One Day at a Time.
adj.
1. Full-bosomed.
2. Having a full, shapely figure.
Now understand that my hubby never did (and never has - he's much too smart to do so) complain, though one of my first 'aha moments' came years ago when my daughters were flipping through our photo albums (if you've been to my house for dinner, you've flipped through them too - it's what we do) and came across a picture of me in a Norma Kamali bathing suit (I'd post the picture here, but I think I'll save it for the 'before and after' shots, after I lose the weight)and said, "Wow, is that you? You USED to be soooooo hot!"
You know how they say a fat person always feels fat, even when they lose the weight? Well, I always feel thin (and 16 years old!). I'm shocked when I see pictures or look in the mirror (by mistake)or try and squeeze into a pair of favorite old jeans that I 'find' in my closet that somehow "must" have shrunk. Who IS that chubby woman and why is her hair such a mess (hair issues to be addressed in another blogpost).
Anyway, it's time to make a change (maybe). Over a delicious breakfast of hashed brown potatoes, topped with bacon and 2 over easy eggs (but NO bread!), hubby and I made a plan. We'll eventually convert our extra bedroom into a 'work out room' and even hire a personal trainer to work us both into an exercising frenzy once a week or so. Ok, so that probably won't happen til the new year, I mean, it's almost November and then December we go to Florida for a few weeks, etc., but seriously, I am going to change my diet slightly. No more noshing after dinner, just tea and fat free popsicles. I'll pack a lunch for work (stocked up today on veggies and fat free turkey, etc.) and maybe start to walk around the block once or twice (or thrice) a week. Enough putting it off.
If Valerie can do it, so can I. One Day at a Time.
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