Oh, Grow up!

Joan Rivers used to say it, Bruce Springsteen sang about it (Growin' Up from Greetings from Asbury Park - track 2) and no matter what age we were, we always wanted to be older. I've mentioned previously that inside this middle aged, chubby woman with uncontrollable hair, lives a 16 year old skinny girl, with uncontrollable hair. For years I acted like that 16 year old as well. Insecure, sometimes flighty, a little bit of a 'mean girl' and of course, had all those 'girlfriend' issues. This one was friends with that one, and that one liked this one better, etc.

As the years went by and I got married, I found myself having less and less girlfriends and really not missing 'that scene' so much. Fast forward into my 40s and the 'need' for them returned, and much to my surprise, I realized that I had choices and didn't need to do the 'group' thingie and started forming and tightening friendships, one on one. Months could (and would) go by, and yet, the excitement of a 'catch up' lunch/dinner/coffee would prove to be fruitful, stimulating and enriching. I have such a diverse group of cool, funky, intelligent women that surround me, and that applies as well to the 2 or 3 'close' friends that I have been corresponding with online for more than 10 years, spoken to on the phone, AND HAVE NEVER MET!!!!!

Then there are the girls that really 'knew me when' and still love me (as I love them - these women are in a class of their own!). The infamous Rockford Rebels! We started with 7, though one lives far away and doesn't get to see us as much. Growing up around the corner, playing hide and seek, having sleepovers, sharing! We've danced at each other's weddings (and held hands or celebrated when the divorce took place), visited hospital beds, attended each other's children's plays and 'rock concerts', celebrated milestone birthdays, and 'scrubbed up' at cottage get-aways (an Arbonne moment!). We've shared, cried, confided, and always laughed. The other day I called one such special lady - she answered the phone almost convulsed with laughter. I started to giggle as well, and asked her, "Why are you laughing?" Her response, "I saw your name and knew you would make me laugh!".

Memory is a magical thing and a shared memory even moreso. I can't stop thinking today about the memory that was shared with me last night. I was reminded that I had similar reading tastes as this one friend, and that we would 'playfully' fight over who would take out the library book on John F. Kennedy or Florence Nightingale. What a thrill to not only relive this memory, (which I had long forgotten) but to know that it meant something special to someone else as well. For too long I thought that my love of reading and books was a solitary passion.

The book bitches (possible name change is in the works to the book babes, though personally, I like being a bitch!) came into my life also in my 40's, and the intimacy, intelligence and warmth that is shared on a monthly basis, is truly outstanding. Respective of each other's 'tastes' and 'likes and dislikes', we have managed to expand our reading horizions, improved our vocabulary (we end each meeting by describing the selected choice in ONE WORD, as well as rating it too!) and come to truly value and appreciate each and every individual.

Then there are those that knew you when that still make you feel like 'the bully', the bad guy. This is when the 'growing up' part kicks in. It's EASY to sink back into old routines and attack and tease, and be that 16 year old again. GROW UP! Last night I had the pleasure of reconnecting and seeing in a new light, an old friend. My other friend and I kept musing, "She's so 'real', so nice, so HAPPY - she's changed" and yeah, maybe she has, but maybe I have too. It's not always about US and how we feel. Everyone hurts, not everyone shares. Everyone has stuff! Grow up people. I think I aged a little bit last night, hopefully.