When Karen met Dave (or The Day the Music Died)

In the movie, When Harry Met Sally (one of my favorites), the Billy Crystal character says to the Meg Ryan character,

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.

I don’t have any ‘guy’ friends, but I did, once upon a time.

I honestly can’t remember when I first met Dave Keshen. It must have been in high school, when I started or tried to ‘be bad’, because he was definitely part of the ‘wilder crowd’ that I was drawn to. Weekend parties, smoke filled cars during skipped classes, and music, always music. It seemed wherever I was, Dave was there too, and his easy going personality and love of life and music, was attractive to me, though not in ‘that’ way.

Dave and I recognized a shared loneliness and desire to be accepted by others, in each other, and the friendship just seemed to happen. I had never really had a guy as a best friend; in fact, never really had a guy that was interested in me, period, and I knew that this was special.

We spent hours in his bedroom, and I let Dave choose, as I sat cross-legged on his bed, surrounded by albums, just what we would listen and sing along to. Sometimes it was Hall and Oates’ Abandoned Luncheonette, other times it was Heart’s Dog and Butterfly, and always ended with Pink Floyd’s The Wall, specifically Comfortably Numb. We’d dissect the lyrics together and argue over who had the better voice, Daryl or John, or Nancy or Ann. We liked the lesser known songs and confidently belted them out together. While we did hang out with ‘the group’, we spent the majority of our time together, alone. We shared our fears, hopes and dreams, and yeah, the room was usually cloudy with smoke, but the comfort and acceptance that we shared, was clear.

Dave had his ‘issues’ and dealt with them ‘his way’, and didn’t always make the ‘right choices’, but ‘high or low’, Dave was always fun to be with and I rarely saw him angry or upset. I vividly remember attending a ‘Beatlemania’ concert with him and getting completely caught up in the moment with him because he was convinced that it really WAS the Beatles performing!

Another classic Dave/Karen moment was riding in the elevator up to a friend’s apartment with a few other friends, and I just couldn’t contain myself any longer and loudly shrieked out, “You know that this is your surprise party we’re going to!” Everyone was appalled, except Dave, who roared with laughter and hugged me.

So do all good things come to an end? Does that go for friendship as well?

Dave was the first boy to tell me that he loved me and it was probably the only time he got angry with me because while I did love him fiercely, I didn’t want the friendship to change. We tried to make a ‘go’ of it for a few weeks and then I avoided him. It was horrible and I felt so alone and like I had lost my best friend (because I had).

Dave being Dave welcomed and accepted me back with open arms and we continued. We both attempted to grow up and move forward. I got married, he had relationships. His demons still haunted him and he continued to deal with them ‘his way’, which wasn’t the best way, but the way he knew. The music was always there and I couldn’t listen to the radio or a particular song without thinking of him and of course, singing along, in my ‘Dave’ voice (loud and boisterously, off tune/key and with a large tinge of a British accent – regardless of the song!).

Another quote from When Harry Met Sally:
Harry Burns: You know, you may be the first attractive woman I've not wanted to sleep with in my entire life.
Sally Albright: That's wonderful, Harry.

Though we stayed good friends, Dave was involved in another serious relationship and I had met and was dating the man that would become my next husband. We drifted. We didn’t mean to, but we both were living our lives and still trying to grow up. Only I succeeded.

When I was 29 and about to get married for the 2nd time, the phone call I had never wanted to receive but wasn’t surprised by, came.

David was away on vacation and had asphyxiated in his sleep. The music had stopped. Everything stopped. My teen years, foolish choices, and bad decisions all were behind me, yet Dave had not been as fortunate as I.

When I saw his younger sister, her first words to me were, “He always loved you – you know that, right?”

Yeah, I knew that.

So, it’s been a while. Almost 20 years. I think of Dave daily, truly. I feel as if he has watched over me and has applauded my choices and he’s singing, always singing.

My son Sam is 17 and obviously has never met Dave, yet will groan when we’re in the car and a song comes on that I ‘know’, and I start singing, loudly, boisterously, with feeling, AND with a little British accent, and he’ll say, “Mom, stop singing like Keshen!

Maybe men and women can’t stay friends, or shouldn’t be friends, but we were friends, and I miss him.